If there is something we Filipinos can be proud of, it is the love and affection we show our elderly folks. More often than not, one of the children stays and sees to their care. We care for them for as long as they are living.
This is not the norm in most western countries. There, the elderly parents live by themselves, apart from their adult children. If they cannot take care of themselves, they either end up in nursing homes or hire the service of caregivers. This is why nursing homes have flourished in other countries, going by so many names: homes for the elderly, retirement villages, senior citizens’ homes, senior condotels, etc. The more “politically correct” the term, the more obscure the real motive appears. Never has there been as much demand for caregivers on whom to pass the responsibility for one’s kin. Now sadly, even care has a tag price.
For some people, the farther away the older folks live, the better. This gives them a reason not to visit too often. Today, there are retirement villages being built in our country to cater to the international market. Our country is ideal for this because of a number of reasons. First, we have warm, balmy weather that is kinder to arthritic joints and drying skin. Second, labor is cheap, which makes hiring helpers a breeze. Third, we are a loving people by nature and are used to tending to persons of any age. Lastly, this place could be as far away from the adult children as it can get.
However, for the common Filipino, we do not find it easy in our hearts to just leave our old folks in nursing homes under the care of strangers, especially when they are sick. In fact, it is considered an admirable trait to provide and care for our elderly family members.
In fairness to the adult children, even the Bible states that when a couple decides to marry, they must leave their respective homes and create a new one. This could stem from the fact that living with your parents does create a world of complications. It is unwise to have two kings and/or queens living in the same castle. It will undoubtedly create conflict and confusion for the whole household.
But, take heart, because there is an architectural solution to this dilemma… The In-Law suite! The in-law suite is a housing unit attached to or adjacent to the main one. It is, by itself, a complete unit with at least one bedroom, a kitchenette, a toilet, and a receiving area. It need not be big, but must certainly have privacy. It can either be part of the original design, added to an existing structure, or planned and provided for during the renovation an existing house. Ideally, it must have its own entrance and utility connections separate from the main house.
The advantages of the In-law suite are many and varied. It allows the adult children to live with the elderly parents, and still maintain each one’s privacy, schedule, and lifestyle. Checking on each other is easy and may be done unobtrusively. The “apos” can visit any time and share the joys of a bigger family. For the busy, young couple, an extra pair of hands and eyes may be a boon when young children are around. And, you can always go back to your mother’s cooking whenever you decide you’ve had enough of take-out and leftovers.
Building an In-law suite need not be an expensive undertaking. You need not even tear down existing walls in your home. Careful planning is all it takes. In exchange, you could be building up your family life. The advantages may be well worth it!
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